No Light
by MollyWKUK
Summary: This is the pefect Twiligh parody. All the things from Twilight you love, with a humorous twist!
1. First day of School

It was raining. It always rained in Forks, Washington. I hated it. Just like I hated Charlie, or as I'd have to call him now--dad. We met at the airport, he came to pick me up. My flight from Arizona just landed. My mom was re-entering rehab and she couldn't take care of me anymore. So I was shipped off here. I guess here would be better than having to deal with my erratic, hairbrained mother.

"I bought you a truck." Charlie spoke so suddenly I didn't have time to collect my thoughts and thank him. He must have taken my silence for something else because he spoke again.  
"It's a piece of shit, so I thought of you." This time I was able to thank him, but I had noted sarcasam in my voice.  
We drove silently the rest of the way home in a police car. Charile was cheif Swann to this small town. He had me seated in the back like a prisoner. Ironic, since that's just how I felt.

When we had finally made it back to the home I so desperately tried to forget, Charlie went straight to my room with my things. I followed him and noticed barely anything had changed. Except where there was once a toy oven now stood a crack station.  
"Thanks again, dad," I said with no emotion.  
"Please," he replied. "Call me Charlie."

Then he left the room. I sat on my bed alone, thinking about hwo tomorrow would be my first day at school in the middle of the semester. I wasn't expecting anything exciting to happen at this small of place. I took a shower and fell asleep. My miseries lulled me unconcious.  
When I woke up Charlie was already gone. I then realized I hadn't even checked out my truck, yet. I wasn't exactly anticipating it. I walked outisde and saw the ugliest abomination on wheels. The keys were unsafely resting in the ignition, but who would try to steal this? I wasn't even sure I wanted to claim it. And as if I wouldn't be able to identify the truck as my own, Charlie wrote "Bella" with his finger out of grime across the wind sheild.

I opened the car doo reluctantly, waiting for it to fall apart. When it didn't fall to pieces I decided it was safe enough to get inside. I started my car and drove to school. It sounded like an airplane was following me. It didn't take long for me to figure out that was the sound of my car. It didn't take long for the entire teenage population of Forks to figure it out, either, when I pulled up in the parking lot. I could tell it was going to be a long, aganizing day. I went to my first class and was verbally attacked my two boys almost instantly upon sitting down.

"Are you here for good?"  
"Are you single?"  
"Are you Charlie's daughter?"  
"Are you a virgin?"  
"Are you in this class?"  
"Are you easy?"

These questions were all blurted out one after the other to me by each boy. Luckily the teacher walked in and told the class to settle down. Reluctantly the boys went to go sit down, but I didn't have to say anything. During roll I figured out their names were Eric and Mike. I could tell they were going to become a couple of groupies towards me. I thought I'd have a whole hour and a half to not worry abou them, but as soon as the teacher turned his back, one of them began whipsering to me.

"Psst, we're not done with you yet!" the blond, ugly, one said, then winked. I smiled tentively, then turned back to the teacher. I stared at the clock on the wall more than listen to the teacher discuss Romeo and Juliet, a story I knew by heart. The bell rinally rang and I sprang from my seat and bounded towards the door. Somehow, there they were, waiting outside, ready to pounce.

"Where's your next class?"  
"Where's your ticklish spot?"  
"Where's your books?"  
"Where's the craziest place you've ever FUCKED?!"  
Upon that last word, everyone froze, the entire hallway.

"Dude!" Eric said to Mike, looking at him like he went too far.  
"Sorry," Mike said, but still looked at me, expecting an answer. I decided to reply to them all at once, but lie.  
"English, figure it out, the trash, and in a hallway filled with students and awkward silence." I added a wink before I walked away. I was still in eye & ear shot to hear whaty they had to say.  
"Oh my go-wait, didn't we just come from English?" Mike asked. Eric smacked him in the back of his head.  
"She was lying about everything!"  
"Oh." Mike frowned, but a moment later smiled and spoke again.  
"Did you see her wink at me?"

I sighed to myself and walked to my next class. I could tell getting these boys off my back would be a bit of a task. I pondered on the different horrible things I could do to the both of them while my math teacher droned on about polynomials. I must have been enjoying my plots of spreading a rumor about them both being gay because the bell rang for lunch before I knew it. I walked out of the classroom and found Mike waiting for me. I groaned at the thought of eating lunch with him.

"I asked our english teacher what your next class was," Mike said happily.  
"Stalker," I said, in a serious tone. Mike either ignored me, or took it as a joke becuase he walked with me happily to the cafeteria. Sadly, I saw Eric at the table Mike was directing us to. I made sure to break out of his grip on my shoulder before we sat down. I snuck away from his clutches and snagged a seat between two girls. Jessica and Angela.  
"Hi, I'm Jessica!" she yelled in my ear excitedly. She was like Mike with a vagina. I wondered why they weren't dating. I considered they might be related. Or maybe the people of Forks were just freaks.  
"Hi," said back softly.  
"This is Angela!" she said, pointing to the other girl beside me. I smiled at her and she smiled back. she was probably the only person in the while school not treating me like--

"Who the hell are they?!"I blurted out, staring at four extremely pale, but beautiful people.  
"Those are the Cullens," Jessica said, eager to talk, she didn't even notice my absurd behavior.  
"They moved down here a couple of years ago, they're hot, and really freaky," Jessica continued.  
"Freaky, what do you mean?" I asked, laughing at little because I had just thought of Jessica as 'freaky' a moment ago.  
"They're all together! Like, fuck buddies. Emmet, the big dark haired one, and Rosalie, the blond. They're totally doing it. Alice, the little dark haired one, and Jasper. They're doing it, too."

I didn't see how they were freaky, and why it was any of our concern on who's "doing it." Then _he _walked in. I spit my milk all over the table.  
"For the love of all things holy, who's that Godly boy?" My eyes could have bulged out of my head, my heart felt like it was going to.  
Jessica and everyone else couldn't help but laugh at me this time.

"That's Edward," Jessica said, still laughing.  
"Where's his 'other half," I said, trying to make it sound like a joke.  
"He doesn't have one," Jessica said. I detected something strange in her voice. I studied her face, there was something more there. I thought I'd have to pump her for more information, but Angela spoke up.  
"Jessica's just jealous because he never took interest in her," she laughed. Jessica scowled at her for a moment, then went back to being her jubilant self. I glanced over at the Cullens table and noticed he had a slight smile on his face. I began to get paranoid, and wondered if he had some how heard us.

I spent the rest of my lunch in silence, wondering about the handsom, and apparenly hated, Edward Cullen.  
"Bella...Bella?" I looked up to see Mike tapping me on my shoulder. Everyone in the lunch room was already piling out.  
"We're going to be late for biology," Mike continued. I got up and followed him, ignoring the fact that he had, once again, knew where my next class was. I also couldn't dread the fact he said "we" instead of just me. We walked into biology together and Mike walked glumly to the back and threw me an apologetic glance. His eyes darting from me, to Edward. I noticed that the seat by him was the only vacancy.  
I walked to my seat eagerly. I was overly excited to be sitting with the hottest boy in existence. As soon as I sat down I gave him my most charming smile. He cowered away and looked like he was holding his breath.

"Hi," I said apprehensively.  
"You stink," he said suddenly, then ran out of the classroom. I was so taken back. I sniffed myself. It smelt like my favorite alcoholic beverage that I had drank for breakfast. Maybe he was a recovering alcoholic and he couldn't endure the scent? I paid extra attention in class to distract me. It didn't work in my favor too well. We we're learning something I had already done in Arizona. The bell rang and I walked slowly towards the door. I wasn't suprised that MIke beat me to the hallway this time. Nor was I surprised when he walked with me to gym. I was beginning to see an awkward, unwanted, friendship being built.

I was completely uncoordinated when it came to sports...or anything, really. We were learning the proper way to play basketball. So no playing actually took place. I sat anxiously the whole lesson, though. The day ended and I headed to the exit to get to my thunderous truck. On the way I passed the office and saw Edward inside, arguing with the secretary.

"I'll PAY you to get me out of Biology. I"ll do anything. Sexual favors, even!"  
I stood frozen, listening to the scene. I saw the secretary searching through the system feverently, looking for a class to swtich him in. Obviously she was eager to take him up on his offer. I was curious to which one. She finally turned to him glumly.  
"I'm sorry," she said honestly. "There's nothing you can switch in to."

I decided enough was enough and I was giong to march in the office and ask what his problem is. I stormed in with a new found bravery and anger, and stared him down. He began to become sort of rigid when I walked in.  
"God, what's that awful stench? Smells like fish and flowers," Edward said, glowering at me, but talking to the secretary. I stared back at him in his eyes. He looked honestly disgusted. I did what any normal teenage girl would do. I ran straight up to him, yelled, "FUCK YOU!" kicked him in his balls, and ran away. I didn't even look back to see his reaction. I felt bad about what I had done as I sat in my truck. It was lucky his dad was a doctor because I was sure he'd need one.

I drove home half annoyed, half disappointed. THe one guy who wasn't showing an interest in me. Go figure.  
When I got home I made dinner for me and Charlie. As far as he was concerned I cooked just like my mother. Badly. I was nothing like her, though. I had even took a cooking class in my spare time. I made burnt grilled cheeses for him, anyway. I made myself lasagna and ate it before he got home.

"Aren't you going to eat, Bella?" he had asked me as he examined the food on his plate.  
"I already ate mine, dad," I said, calling him dad rather than Charlie to sound like I was at least attempting to patch our relationship.  
"Oh, alright," he said, trying to be as nice as me. I watched with satisfaction as he took his first bite and grimmaced. I was afraid my laughter would give me away, so I said I had homework to go do. As soon as I was safely in my room the hysterics washed over me. It took me a complete three minutes to finally stop laughing. I needed that after an annoying day. I took a shower and went straight to sleep.  
I figured the worst was behind me. My second day couldn't quite possibly be as bad as my first.


	2. Edward Speaks

I went to my classes, ignoring Mike and Eric, and tried to pay attention to Jessica's chatter during lunch. My eyes darted else where, distracted. I scanned the cafeteria until I found what I was looking for. The Cullen's table. Edward wasn't there. I couldn't help but think I was the problem. I had even made sure I took a shower before school, and double layered my deoderant. My new mission in life was to make Edward Cullen like me. No matter what he did. No matter what he said. No matter what he is. I WILL not give up on him. I then noticed every other Cullen was glaring at me. I then began to rethink my dedicated promise. Surely Edward wasn't worth all this trouble? The last twenty minutes of lunch droned on. Jessica was babbling about the "girls choice" dance coming up. Although that was nearly two months away. When the bell sounded I quickly rose from my chair and headed to Biology. I don't know why I was so hopeful, I knew Edward wouldn't be in there. I sat at my empty desk and went straight to my work.

_Perhaps it's best he's gone, _I thought. As the day ended I sighed and drove home. I made Charlie soup, nothing something I could burn, or mess up, but I knew it was Charlie's least favorite dish. I even ate with him this time. The next few days at school Edward still wasn't there. I wondered if he had dropped out, but that would just be absurd. Then finally, one day in the next week, he was there. I sat down gently, hoping not to startle him and have him run away again. I could feel him staring at me. I finally glanced at him and wish I hadn't. His look was still painful, but then he spoke.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he said it like it was supposed to be a big deal to me. Cocky, obviously. He smiled at me. I was so shocked. He continued.  
"I didn't get to introduce myself last week," he said apologetically. The shock died away and I found my voice.  
"Yeah, because you ran out complaining about my stench. So I understand if you weren't able to be polite and insult me at the same time, must be so difficult for you," I argued, rolling my eyes. I wondered if I over did it. So I sneaked a peak at his face. He was still staring, but he looked sincerely sorry. Guilt punched my stomach.  
"Well," he began. I wouldn't be able to stand if _he _apologized to _me _again.  
"Fuck you, then," he finished, finally turning towards the board. I was shocked. This boy was so confusing. I was about to forget all about him when I remembered my promise to myself. And to me, my word was law.  
"Damnit," I mummbled. He looked at me with honest curiousity. I wondered what he could read of my facial expression because I honestly couldn't tell how I even felt.  
"I'm...sorry," he said quietly. This friendship just kept getting weirder and weirder. Is this even a friendship? I didn't know. I wondered if any of the other people at this school tried to be his friend. Maybe that's why it was so hard for him? I looked at him again. He was staring at me, but he looked like he was concentrating on something.  
"What?" I asked him. His forehead creased in thought.  
"Tell me what you're thinking," he gazed into my eyes. I knew I'd answer honestly.  
"I'm wondering...what's wrong with you...I was leaning towards bipolar disease, but I'm not really  
sure--"

He began to become rigid again.  
"Um...Edward?" I asked softly, not sure if he even heard me.  
"You think...there's something...wrong with me?" he replied, tensely.  
"Sorry," I muttered again. Luckily the teacher was coming around with a microscope and slides. He set one down on our desk and Edward seemed calm now.  
"Bitches first," he said calmly, and smiled like it was a joke. This was going to get annoying. I knew exactly what I was looking for, so I took the quickest glance possible and gave him my answer.  
"Anaphase," I moved the microscope infront of him. Clearly eager to prove me wrong, he took a look himself. He looked disappointed, so I figured I must have been right. I smiled happily to myself while he placed a new slide on. He looked even quicker than I had.  
"Metaphase," he said automatically.

He gestured towards the microscope, indiciating I could look if I wanted to. I didn't want to loose the chance to prove him wrong so I gladly took a look. When my face left the microscope Edward clearly saw the disappointment on my face. He laughed slightly to himself as he put the next slide on. I couldn't help but smile at his laughter. We were actually getting along. This was nice. I don't know why everything has to be a game with me. Maybe things would be easier from now on if I just let it...

"Hey, your eyes are a delecious golden color! The last time I saw you they were as black as your heart," I blurted out. Where had that come from? I knew I had killed whatever friendship we were building. He didn't answer me. He turned quietly back to the slides. The rest of the class period was spent in silence. I was thankful when the bell rang, but also disappointed becuase we weren't able to patch things up. I went home with irrational feelings toward Edward Cullen.

I woke up a bit too early the next day and realized why. It wasn't raining. My heart thudded to a new beat, a happier one. I raced to my window and twisted open the blinds. No, it wasn't raining, but to my horror it had SNOWED! How I despised the cold. Although this put a damper on my day, I couldn't help but feel this insane excitement to see Edward today. I guzzled down two beers to calm my nerves then headed anxiously out to my truck. I drove as carefully to school as I could, I didn't really feel in the mood for an accident today. I pulled into my usual spot--four down from the Cullens--and noticed Edward was staring at me. I looked swiftly away, often imagining the things I should do when I catch him staring at me. The most vivid though is me running right up to him and throwing him into the back seat of his stupid shinny Volvo and having the most wild sex I could picture. When these fantasies begin to freak me out because they'll never be true, I tend to imagine me kicking him in the balls...again. At least I knew I was capable of that much. Today I was just simply imagining me smiling at him, I couldn't even do something as simple as that. But did he even really deserve it? I was so precoccupied with my thoughts I didn't even have time to notice why Edward suddenly had me pinned to the ground. Was my fantasy finally coming true? Minus the volvo, obviously. I puckered my lips and closed my eyes instinctively when he suddenly dropped me and I hit my head pretty hard on the ground.

"Ouch, what are you trying to do, kill m--OH MY GOD! There's a van right beside us!"  
Sure enough imprints of Edwards body were left in the side of my truck and Tyler's van.  
"You saw nothing," Edward whispered as he ran away.

"Sure, I saw nothing," I mumbled to myself. "But I'm almost certain people will be curious about the Edward shapped dent in the van."  
As if he heard me, Edward reappeared and punched the van and the dent changed to a normal looking shape.  
"Better?" he asked amusingly, as he sprang away from me again. This time I knew he wasn't coming back becuase I heard other voices and the paramedics coming. As much as I fought it, I ended up on a strecher.

"Well, Bella, you look fine," said a blonde haired doctor who looked absolutely amazing. I assumed he was Carlisle Cullen, the foster dad.  
"Does that mean she can go?" Charlie asked, sounding annoyed. I wasn't sure if he was bothered I survived, or if it was the fact he had to leaving his fishing trip to get me out of here.  
I realized I'd rather not know.

"Yes, you're free to take your daughter home," Dr. Cullen said, nodding at both of us as we shuddered at the words 'daughter' and 'home.' Charlie nodded back and we both headed for the door. I told Charlie to wait for me in the car because I had to use the bathroom. He shrugged and left. I didn't have to use the restroom, I had just seen Edward and wanted to talk to him.  
"Can I talk to you?" I asked, as I was walking up to him.

"Not if you're going to try to kiss me again," he laughed. Clearly he was in a good mood.  
"I wans't trying to kiss you," I defended. "I was trying to push you away...with my lips..." I left my defense die off because it was so weak.  
He broke into another round of laughter after that. I was irritated.

"Well what were _you _doing?" I suddenly asked.  
"Besides saving your life? Nothing much, just chilling," he said with a smile.  
"Mhhm," I said indifferently. "Does 'just chilling' usually mean running at impossible speed to let a van crush you instead of me? Why aren't you hurt?"  
His laughter died.  
"Bella..." he began slowly. "You hit your head, I think you've become more retarded than usual. Maybe Carlisle shouldn't release you." I could sense the laughter coming back to him. He grinned.

"You're not human!" I blurted randomly, I thought. His face went from shock to blank.  
"Oh, nice, Bella. Thats just dum, real cool. I save your life and you try to continue to insult me!" He was rambling. That was a first. I liked it.  
"You're not human," I pressed.  
"SHUT-UP!" He yelled, and bitch slapped me, then he walked away. My face stung, and I was sure there was an Edward-hand-shaped red mark on my face. I smiled, anyway.  
The next day he sat down beside me without saying a word. I figured I had to be the bigger person.  
"Hey, I just want to say I'm over--"  
"Save it, queer," he spit, without looking up at me. I could feel tears trying to come out of my eyes, but I kept them inside. He should not affect me like this. A month's time had passed and I was dreaming of Edward Cullen roughly every night. It's been torture sitting by him every day silently doing my work. Mike seemed happy about this exchange, even though in this past month I spread a rumor that he and Eric were caught butt fucking in the bushes before school started. He either didn't knowi t was me, or just chose to ignore the obvious. I wondered why he was hovering over my biology desk.

"Hey, Bella," he said with an enthusiastic smile.  
"Oh, hey Mike," I replied, trying to look past him to copy notes off the board.  
"Well, you know the dance is coming up..." he began, laughing to himself embarrassingly.  
"The girls choice one?" I said rudely.  
"Yeah...I was wondering if you'd go with me?" he asked quickly.  
"Mike," I said with no emotion. "Are you a girl?"  
"...no."  
"Isn't it called girls choice?"  
"...yes."  
"Then if you don't get a vagina in the next two seconds you're not obligated to ask me."  
"Oh...but are you going to ask me?"  
I finally looked up at him with aggrevation.  
"No."  
"Why not?" he persisted. I realized I'd have to make up an excuse.  
"I'm going to Seattle that day," I quickly lied. His eyes flickered to Edward, then to me, then back at Edward, then me, then him again, and me.  
"MIKE!" I finally screamed. Everyone stared.  
"Sorry, I have an eye twitch," he swiftly made his way back to his seat. I wondered if Edward was listening. I wondered if he could not listen since he was right beside me. I stared at him longer than necessary, then focused on my work. The bell eventually rang and I made my way to the gym. Eric stopped me before I walked into the girls locker room.

"Hey Bella," he said nervously. I sighed with annoyance.  
"Hey Eric, what's up?" I was glancing towards the locker rooms impatiently. When he didn't reply I spoke up again.  
"Look, I'm going to be late if I don't go, so..."  
"Will you go to the dance with me?" he blurted.  
"Oh, I'm going to be in Seattle," I said, giving the same lie.  
"Oh...okay," he said, giving me a weak smile. I didn't return the favor, and walked into the locker room. Gym was brutal, and I purposely smacked the tennis ball at the back of Mike's head a couple of times. I began to play a game of my own. 'How far can I push Mike until he switches partners.' I left the gym and headed for my car feeling slightly better about my day. I started my truck and began pulling out of the parking lot when a stupid silver volvo cut me off. Edward pulled right out in front of me and stopped. I pressed my luck and acted like I didn't see him and kept going. I rammed right into the back of his car. I rolled down the window and yelled, "Sorry!" hoping that'd be enough. He still didn't move. I began to roll up my window when Tyler appeared.

"Are we playing bumper cars?" he laughed.  
"You already tried to kill me once, let's not try again," I laughed, then stopped abruptly because it wasn't even a joke at all. His expression was weird, then he smoothed it over.  
"Wanna go to the dance with me?" he asked confidently.  
"No," I said bluntly. Nothing but anger surged through me now, and I took it out on Edward's car again. He finally moved and I sped off. I caught a glimpse of his face when I was leaving and he actually appeared to be laughing. I went home and skipped dinner completely.  
"Where's dinner?" Charlie asked, wondering if our fake game of being nice was over.  
"Fend for yourself," I said sourly.  
"What's wrong with you?" he snapped.  
"Nothing."  
"No one asked you to the dance, huh?" he said, as if he figured it out.  
"It was girls choice, dad," I replied.  
"So, no girls asked you out then?" he chuckled. I looked up at him emotionlessly then sulked up the stairs for bed. I dreamt of Edward, again. The next day I got to school a little early and parked near Edward's car. I was amazed that it was already fixed.  
I walked over to a table and sat down. I pulled out some work I never did.

"Hello," Edward said. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me. I finally registered he was because he wasn't leaving and he was staring at me, waiting for a reply. Again I made him question my mental stability.  
"Oh, hi," I said weakly. He sat down beside me. My heart was racing.  
"So are you talking to me now?" I said trying to turn into a joke, but again, failing at the attempt.  
"You're going to Seattle on the day of the dance?" he asked. I glared.  
"You son of a 'daddy-never-loved-you', you gay ass adopted boy!" I shouted.  
"Tourettes? Rosalie has a terrible case herself," Edward said calmly."  
"Are you asking me to the dance?" I asked him.  
"No," he said, laughing at the idea.  
"oh...then what?"  
"I was wondering if I could take you? Your truck hardly seems suitable."  
"Yes," I said too quickly. He smiled succesfully. I became worried, what if he tried to rape me? Oh wait, that's not possible. Of course I'd want it.


End file.
